Here is the faux journalism post on Hay-suess winning his second main event title for the BBT writing contest.
Chris “Jesus” Ferguson wins second WSOP main event title
Sure, Jesus could turn water into wine, but would he have been able to win two poker world championships?
That’s what Chris Ferguson accomplished early Monday morning when he vanquished the final table of the World Series of Poker main event to claim an unlikely second title. It was unlikely because the Full Tilt Poker pro had to defeat 7,219 other runners to win the tournament and the $10 million first-place prize, and in doing so became the first pro to win the tournament in seven years.
Ferguson, nicknamed “Jesus” because of his long hair, beard and ability to perform poker miracles, claimed his sixth WSOP bracelet. He had just missed out on another title earlier in the Series when he finished third in the first $1,500 No-Limit Hold’em event.
“What I can I say? I’ve been very fortunate,” the 45-year-old Ferguson said in his usual understatement. “It was a tough final table and I’m so proud to have won I’m practically speechless. I don’t know what to say.”
Ferguson’s competition at the final table included a cast of mostly unknowns and fellow poker pro Dan Harrington. Amazingly, Harrington has now made the final table of the WSOP main event three times in the last six years. He was eliminated early on in eighth place and collected $1.5 million.
Ferguson entered the final table second in chips to Barry Wainwright, a 39-year-old chiropractor from Yonkers, N.Y., and these two chipleaders knocked the other players out one by one. By the time the security guards brought stacks of cash out and piled them on the final table, Ferguson and Wainwright were heads up for the title, with Ferguson holding a slight chip advantage with 74 million to Wainwright’s 70 million.
The two waged a protracted poker war that lasted five hours, with Ferguson doing most of the chip collecting. On a final hand that brought back memories of Ferguson’s 2000 main event victory over T.J. Cloutier, the Pacific Palisades, Calif., resident beat Wainwright when the chiropractor pushed his last 6 million chips in the pot with Ah-Qd and Ferguson called with As-10c. The flop and turn were blanks, keeping Wainwright in the lead with a chance to double up, but the river was the 10 of diamonds and Ferguson was world champion once more.
“Chris was a tough competitor, and I knew the match would be tough,” a disappointed Wainwright said after the tournament. “Then again, I can’t complain about winning $5 million.”
This main event title is the icing on the Year 2008 cake for Ferguson. He won the NBC National Heads-Up Poker Championship in March over his friend and fellow Full Tilt Poker pro Andy Bloch for $500,000. Then in September he won the $2,500 HORSE event at World Series of Poker Europe in London for another quarter million. The $10 million he added to his tournament winnings Monday gives him a lifetime total of about $18 million, making him the winningest player in tournament poker history.